Soap Opera of my Life

*HUG* That's for all of you! :)
~Sarah

It's been awhile since I've updated. I graduated UNH cum laude, I'm almost 22. I'm living at home for now because I can't afford to move out yet. I've got a job interview Friday and another in the works, both in labs. I have the best boyfriend ever and he makes me so happy. It kinda sucks not seeing him like I used to, but we're making this work. Things are going pretty well overall. Finally, I'm really happy. Thanks everyone who made my college experience wonderful. I'm sure I'll see those of you still there. And I'm always happy to hear from anyone. Bye bye. :)

I was looking at the graduation info online today. Kinda dissapointed with myself. The honors at graduation is based on my GPA now, which means I'll only be graduating cum laude instead of magna cum laude. I just missed it. I needed a 3.50 and I currently have a 3.47. I could technically have magna cum laude on my diploma if i do well enough this semester. I better get studying then.

Normally I like coming home to see my family and my cat. It doesn't feel like home any more. My brother's in Utah for the winter, Shadow is gone, and now my step sister is here for the week...she's 11. I don't do well with kids. Especially ones who take over my cat. Just another reason to want to go back to school. I just want to have a home that feels like one again. Sadface.

I didn't think this week could get better. But every day is great. Steve is so awesome even studying for o. chem can't get me down. :)

I have a ton of studying to do these next couple days, since I did not study at all this past weekend. But that's ok it was such an amazing weekend. Despite what my away message said I was not at a hockey game for two days. I spent the weekend at Leigh's, like normal, but spent more of that time with Steve than with Leigh. I haven't stayed up that late (5 am) for awhile. But it was fun. And penguins are really funny. We saw Narnia yesterday and it was excellent. I haven't had this much fun just hanging out in so long. It was good, and I'm really happy. :) I'm also so happy for Leigh!! YAY!! ps. i'm the worst writer ever. don't mind me.

It's snowing!! But even better we're finally getting cable right now! Anyways, what I really wanted to say is how wonderful this week has been. I was stressing out about my paper and organic chem as usual. But this week turned out to be great. We had our symphonic band concert tuesday night and I stayed to watch the wind symphony. I love going to their concerts. Wednesday I went to the jazz band concert instead of working on my paper and it was totally worth it. I forget how much I love going to jazz concerts and both groups sounded great. Especially the saxes :) Thursday we played at the hockey game. Unfortunately we lost, but I love playing in pep band. The best part of those three nights was waiting for my bus to come. It was really nice of people to wait with me and I really enjoyed just hanging out and talking even if it was a little cold out. Steve was nice enough to wait with me for three nights with various other people on different nights. I'm going to miss seeing everyone here over break. A month will seem like a very long time. Yay cable. yay friends. SNOW!

As much as I always complained about the dog barking, I really do love that stupid dog. We've had Shadow for 12 years, since we moved into our current house. He's getting put down Tuesday. I can't even see him to say goodbye before that. It's going to be weird going home and not seeing him. I hate it when my pets die. I've never been close to any humans that have died (like any relatives) so this is the closest thing to that for me. I can't imagine how my brother will be, Shadow's his best friend. If I'm out of it Tuesday, this is why. I wish I wasn't alone in my apartment now. I could use some hugs. I know it's just a dog but he's been a part of our family for so long, since my dad was still around. I'm glad Kim IMed me when she did. I really needed someone to talk to so I could stop crying. Maybe my mom can bring a picture of him up.

So I've been thinking about next year and what I will be doing. I've been thinking about Grad school on and off for awhile. I think I want to go, and get a doctorate. That means I will be in school for another 5 years, but I'm ok with that. The reason for a doctorate and not a masters is because Dartmouth only offers a doctorate program. I really want to go there. If I get in and keep up good grades, they pay for EVERYTHING!!! I wouldn't have to pay for tuition, and i get an annual stipend. I'd probably have to work in labs, and definetly teach a course a semester, but it's so worth it. I'm not sure if I could get in though. My GPA is really great, but I dont really know any profs who would give me a great recomendation since i don't know any that well. And I still have to take the GREs. I think i'm going to look into this more. OMG! So excited and less nervous about next year!!!

Hahahahaa...oh man. I'm laughing at myself.

Everything's good but still...something feels missing.

This year is going so much better than I thought it would go. My classes aren't nearly as hard as I thought they would be. I rocked my anatomy and physiology exam (98!!) and i'm doing ok in organic chem (and for this class OK is good enough for me). Marching band is awesome even though I was worried because it's me and all freshmen in my section. The freshmen in marching band this year rock! The football team is so good this year too! Still haven't lost a game yet! I like my new apartment in Newmarket. My apartmentmates are cool and it's nice having Freddy right next to us also. Though I feel like I miss out on a lot of things on campus. So I feel kinda left out sometimes, though that's nothing new. My new computer is great, and I like taking it to some of my classes and just taking notes on the powerpoint presentations. And playing spider solitaire if class is boring. Lindsey rocks, btw. And Cam. :)and everyone else. Time for classes! Yay

So I went to this graduation party on my birthday a couple weeks ago with Leigh. I met a lot of brothers, had a lot of fun. I also met the host of the party, Rob, a brother from UMass and he was district president for a couple years. Everyone left Sunday. I didn't get home until Wednesday. We went down to his old apartment in Amherst so he could watch something with Doug. I went home on his way back. Rob's a cool guy, but I didn't think I'd see him again cuz I thought he was too cool for me or something. Anyways, I ended up going back up to Maine this past Wednesday. We went to Boston Friday night and hung out with some of his friends and I had a lot to drink. Saturday I met up with my mom in Boston and we went to the MFA (my first time!) and I saw the Ralph Lauren car show thing and it was so cool. We went to the Red Sox game and I saw Johnny Damon at the player's gate. I also saw the first Red Sox shut out. :( I just want to see the Red Sox win! Rob called tonight, and he's like, when can you come back to Maine? If I didn't have a doctor's appointment, I'd probably be going back up there Wednsday. I'll be going up Friday instead. Seriously. I never thought I'd be going to Maine so much. Thanks Leigh for bringing me to the party so I could meet Rob! The UMass boys are really nice even if they don't seem it sometimes. Crazy times. I can't wait for Nationals!! It's gonna be so much fun! And I'll know people! I think we're going to another fraternity graduation party this weekend. I really have a lot offun with Rob and since he knows a lot of people and is outgoing, it gets me to be more outgoing. Except he was trying to convince me to go to a strip club or meet this stripper friend. Yeah, no. Oh, and I love the Red Sox!!! Yay fun.

Hahaha I'm writing about it all giddy, like kim said. I feel really silly right now sitting in front of my computer grinning like an idiot, but i'm sooo happy right now. i have been this happy in a long time. yay for districts and UMaine and getting a message of prince's song 'kiss' on my phone. i really don't mind my chapter teasing me. i heart both kims. but yeah, so happy. i can't believe i just started talking to him friday at districts. holy connection there. i talked to him for a total of 5 and a half hours today!!! and his away message right now is so sweet. i really can't stop smiling. i can't wait to talk to him again. :-D

Well I had my first check bounce. My rent check. I knew it would, I was just hoping he wouldn't try to deposit it so soon. So now I have to somehow transfer money from my savings to my checking, by the end of the week, and they're in different banks. It's a lot of money, too. And eventually I have to pay off my next credit card bill, which will also be a lot cuz of gifts. I have to get a job next semester. It's gonna suck. I really have a hard time handling school and a job. I've studied so much for my genetics test at 8 tomorrow morning, and it still doesn't seem like enough. My grades are gonna suck this semester. I know I can do better. I have to. It's one of those times when I really just want to relax with friends. I don't have the time to do that. I just want it to be next semester already. My computer's been acting weird lately and I think I might have a virus on it. Too bad I don't have any virus protection. Suddenly I feel very alone, like I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm having one of those semesters where I just want to hide under the covers all the time. I am liking my major more this year. I've finally had a semester where my classes all conect to each other and it felt great. However, I still have no idea what to do with my life after college, other than be in debt the rest of my life. My mom always asks if she can do anything to help so I tell her not to be mad when she sees my grades. She'll probably be disappointed and I know I will be with myself. I don't feel close to anyone any more. Except my bed. Cuz it keeps me comfy. I need to get out of here. Maybe I'll spend my studying time tomorrow at the library. Or something. Wicked blah.

Well. If you want to talk shit about me, do it to my face. And what I was doing is my own business, and because no one was in there anyways, you don't know what went on. It was a whole lot of nothing, actually. I have trouble saying no to anything these days, but apparently when I do, it still doesn't mean anything and that upsets me. And I'm not trying to sleep with everyone. Well I guess since no one wants me around anymore, I won't be. I think it's very rude and childish that someone whited out my quote on the quote board that I made. If you have a problem with me and wanted me to leave, you could say so. I have a problem with me, too, and I hate myself right now, so I guess I'll join the club. I've never had to deal with people being attracted to me before, and I don't know how to handle it. So thanks for the support, guys. But I guess it's easier just to talk shit about me behind my back than to try and help me and tell me I'm doing wrong. Fine. Bye.

Finally got out of Nashua and into Durham. My apartment is cool, although a little messy and lacking some furniture right now. I met one of my roommates, Courtney, and she's cool. We might have a fourth person, which would be good so I can get some money back. We seemed to hit it off well, so this year looks good so far. Other than the fact that the hottest week of the summer is band camp week. Of course. I'm in the MUB right now, because comcast can't get to our apartment until the 31st! Gahh! So if you want to get a hold of me, drop me an email. It only takes about 10-15 minutes to walk to campus. It's weird. It finally feels like I'm living in an apartment. Depending on how things go this semester, I might get a commuter meal plan and spend more time at the apartment. It's been kinda lonely today and yesterday because Courtney's the only one around and she's gone from 6am-7pm. I've been pretty busy unpacking (a little) and cleaning (a lot). I can't stand having a messy place. It's tiring work, cleaning. It's also tiring walking in the sun, but I'm trying to be healthier and walking to campus a bunch will def help that and maybe I won't gain weight like I did last year. I miss the internet. Sadface. Oh well, 8 more days. I can make it. Yay for Durham!

The theme seems to be although things suck, there's still hope. I found my hope tonight, and hope in humanity last night. Last night was one of the best in my life so far. I saw Sarah McLachlan in concert and she's my hero. She seems like such a nice person and I love her music, it really affects me. I cried during one of her songs, it always makes me cry when I hear it. Ironically, it's her only happy love song. Her songs really evoke so many emotions. The stage looked amazing and beautiful, too. People can be good. Today's been good, too. Bought some stuff for my room, a new mouse, and a really nice sapphire and diamond ring for myself, because I've realized that I really am worth it, I deserve good things and people. The ring wasn't expensive, which is nice. Things are fragile, but there's hope. I will always believe in the good of people. Some people are not meant to be friends, even if you want to. It's kinda sad, but people come and go, and at least I can remember the good times and move on. I'm really excited to meet new people this year. I've realized a lot this summer, and grown up some, I think. My mind set has become more positive, too, I think. This school year should be interesting and I'm gonna bust my butt to have fun and study hard. Rock, rock on!

Any one want to go to a wedding with me tomorrow evening? I'm not gonna have anyone to hang out with and there's an open spot. Yo.



update: yay i have someone to go with!